Holding the Space

            I imagine that all of us, at one time or another, have been asked to save someone’s place in line.  Whether for a family member or a friend or even a total stranger, this seems to be a time-honored tradition that has found its way into our culture.  “Save my place,” says the person standing next to you as he or she dashes off to the restroom… or to retrieve something forgotten in the rush to get in line… and we do… save their place, that is… graciously accommodating this individual again whenever they return.  Usually, it requires little effort on our part… little effort beyond standing in our own place and trying to remember who it was that asked us to save their place... and what they looked like.   When that individual does return and take his or her own place in line, no one thinks anything of it… unless they drag six other people into line with them.  Saving someone’s place is fairly easy.

“Holding the space” is not the same.   I first learned about “holding the space” when it was done for me in a gathering of clergy several years ago.  We were on retreat at a United Methodist camp north of Pottsboro.  Our retreat leader had asked a question that took some introspection.  Various people in the group responded, but I was not prepared to respond at that moment.  As we, pro forma, went around the circle, everyone responded in turn… and suddenly eighteen pairs of eyes were focused on me.  In the silence that followed, our retreat leader said, “Sharon, you do not have to respond to this question… not now… not ever… but if you ever wish to, we will be ready to listen.”  In one sentence, this person protected my right to be silent and, at the same time, guaranteed that I had a voice… a place to be heard.  That person “held the space” for me.

I still remember the sense of wonder that flowed through me when the retreat leader “held the space” for me.  I wasn’t just another name on a conference registration form… a faceless entity who had paid a fee for the right to be present… I was actually someone worth listening to.  I wasn’t just a cog in a wheel… a participant to be manipulated through the activities of the day. I had my own right… to speak or to stay silent as I chose.  Radical concept! 

Over the next three days, we all learned to “hold the space” for the other individuals in our circle… to honor their silence as much as their speech… and to listen with new intensity when they chose to speak and share their thoughts with us.  What emerged from this new learning was an ability to leap levels of depth in intimacy of relationship… such that, by the end of the retreat, we had formed a bond so strong that we would literally do anything to aid or protect any other member of our group.  That bond is so strong that whenever we gather… which we will do again next month… the same level of trust and respect re-emerges, even if it has been months since we last saw each other.  Yet, unlike childhood friends who develop such a level of trust over years of friendship… our bond was forged in just days… simply by learning to “hold the space” for someone else.

I am convinced that one of the reasons the twenty-third psalm is loved by so many is that it creates that sense of our Lord “holding the space” for us.  The good shepherd who tends his sheep… leads them into green pastures and beside still waters… guards and protects them while they feed… and while they rest… and is constantly vigilant on their behalf.  In our text from the gospel of John, the actions of the good shepherd are contrasted with the actions of the hired hand… one who is paid to care for the sheep, but does not own them… or care about them.  The hired hand’s concern for… and care of… the sheep has boundaries that cannot compare to the boundless love and nurture provided by the good shepherd.  According to our text, whenever the hired hand is confronted by a significant threat, the hired hand will save himself and leave the sheep defenseless, rather than jeopardize his own life. The good shepherd, in contrast, is willing to lay down his life to safeguard his sheep.  As our epistle points out, it is our actions… more than our words... that determine the depth of our love for another.

            On May 12, 2008, a massive earthquake hit the Sichuan province of China.  In this quake, more than 69,000 people died and more than 374,000 were injured.  There is a story that is told by those who worked feverishly to rescue those who were trapped in the debris of buildings that were destroyed in the earthquake.  According to the story, a team of rescuers found the body of a young woman on her hands and knees, killed by the walls of her house which had collapsed upon her.  Underneath her body, completely shielded by her lifeless form, the rescuers found a tiny baby, three or four months old, who was alive and untouched by the destruction all around.  When the rescue workers freed the child, they found a cellular telephone in the blanket wrapped around the tiny child.  The phone held a text message which read, “My dear baby, if you live, always remember that I love you.”  In an act that spoke louder that words, this young mother held the space for her child… a space where that child could live even if she could not.  There is no greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for another.

            There are countless stories of a mother’s love that history has recorded for us… stories that we love to tell on this day… Mother’s Day.  We can read many stories of mothers and their love in the Bible as well… from the story of Hannah and her child, Samuel, who became a great leader of the children of Israel… to the two women who brought the child to King Solomon and how he determined which woman was the child’s true mother… to Mary, the mother of Jesus, who wept at the foot of the cross.  All of these Biblical images of motherhood are a reflection of the actions of the good shepherd toward the sheep in his care… tending and nourishing the young… guiding and directing those needing food or shelter… seeking and saving the lost… and be willing to lay down his own life to save the lives of those in his care.  It is the good shepherd who “holds the space” for the sheep in his care… giving each one what it needs to survive and to thrive.

It is Jesus who claims this role in our spiritual lives… just as our mothers claim this role in our physical life on this earth… and often the two become intertwined.  In a recent poll of 10,000 American adults who were asked which person in their life had the greatest influence on formation of their religious beliefs, the vast majority said it was their mothers.  Mothers, as a rule, shape each generation of children… through their natural association with them in their formative years… through the words and actions in their daily lives.  It is a mother who can create a hunger for a spiritual life within a child… simply by living such a life herself and pointing to the source of it in God’s word.  It is a mother who can demonstrate a love that knows no bounds… a love that protects… nourishes… guides… and directs... a love that demands respect… and a love that forgives and forgets… a love that is a human reflection of God’s love for us.

Unfortunately, the mother’s role in a child’s development today is being seriously undermined by the very technology that has freed women from the constraints of home life.  It was once believed mothers and the church shaped the values of our children when they were young, but increasingly, young children spend more time with people other than their own mothers… “hired hands”, so to speak… and more time with television… DVD’s… and video games that influence the development of their values more than their own mothers. The church comes in a distance fourth… if at all.  And even when the young are brought to church, the church does not fulfill its role in shaping the spiritual lives of our youth.  Research shows that the Sunday School hour and Youth Programs for our children have degenerated into games and entertainment designed to keep content and “off the street,” rather than the discussion of Bible stories or parables Jesus told for the life values that they teach.   Is it any wonder that, when these young people encounter a world that is much different than the world in which they were raised, that they flounder and struggle to understand the essential questions of their own existence?

For a sterling example of our role as mothers… or as parents… in the life of our children, we only have to look as far as the life of Jesus in scripture.  In the analogy of Jesus as a good shepherd to the sheep, we can find our place in God’s story… and our role as parents.  There is One who is greater than we are… One who loves us and cares for us as his own… One who is willing to die for us.  There is One who has high expectations for us and yet… One who will “hold the space” for us… giving us the room we need to become… and to do… within the boundaries of a love that knows no boundaries.  There is One who by his very actions demonstrates how we can “hold the space” for others… for our children… for our friends… for the stranger we encounter on the road… giving them the freedom and the respect to exist… to learn… to grow… to thrive… to question… to doubt… to love… to laugh and to be.  Will you “hold the space” for me as I learn to “hold the space” for you?   I hope that our relationship will not be a pro forma thing… but a thoughtful and deliberate effort to offer each other the space in which we might stretch and grow into something deeper and stronger over time… an action as thoughtful and deliberate as the mother shielding her baby from the earthquake.   I believe that, together, we can grow in our faith… in our relationship to each other… in our role as parents… perhaps, even into a reflection of the Good Shepherd himself.  Amen.

John 10:11-18