“A Lecture on Christian Wedding Etiquette”
Some of you agonized over the decision you were asked to make as you came into the sanctuary today. Are you a friend of the bride… or a friend of the groom? (Pause) Those of you who answered that you were a friend of the bride were seated on the bride’s side of the church… the left side. Those of you who answered that you were a friend of the groom were seated on the groom’s side… the right side. Did you think about it as you sat there? (Pause) Did you change your mind? (Pause) If you did, did you change your place? (Pause) Wedding etiquette demands that we sit where the host seats us. (Pause) That is not always a comfortable place to be, but it is what our host desires. It is then that we remember that this is not our house and that we are guests. (Pause) At the banquet that follows the wedding, we are, again, guests and are seated as our host desires. (Pause) It is interesting that wedding etiquette demands that we choose and, based upon our choice, we are seated on a certain side of the church. I find it ironic that, when we come to a ceremony that joins two as one, we are asked to choose… to take sides, so to speak. But does it matter? (Pause) That is the $64,000 question: Does it matter? (Pause)
I would argue that it does not matter. (Pause) Why? (Pause) The bride is the Church and the groom is Christ. This is the wedding feast… where we celebrate the union of the two as one. And, if they are truly one, then it does not matter which side of the church we choose… for all the seats belong to the same “One.” (Pause) Are we not one in the body of Christ? (Pause) Is not Christ the head of the one body, the Church? (Pause)
Some of you, I know, were disturbed that you were not seated in your “regular” spot. (Pause) You may have figured out by now that that was deliberate. (Pause) Our text today talks about the assumptions we make about our “place” at the feast… that place where we expect to sit… and the assumptions we make about our place. Some individuals have been seated in the same pew for decades. It is their pew… like they own it! (Pause) When the pastors gathered in Clifton this past Wednesday to discuss the lectionary passages for this Sunday, I heard all kinds of stories about “pew ownership” and the woes of those who dared to sit in the wrong pew on Sunday morning. I also heard stories of wedding banquets and guests who made assumptions about where they should be seated… and stories of the ones who refused to move! (Pause) Oh, yes, we laugh about it… later… but at the time, it is not funny. (Pause)
Jesus is talking about the assumptions we make about our own importance… and where we fit in the grand scheme of things. Today, I just challenged your own assumptions about where you sit in this sanctuary… and I would guess that made many uncomfortable. If we become so uncomfortable about where we sit in church, then how are we prepared to do what it is that Christ is truly asking of us… and that is to give up our place completely… to someone we would never even think to invite. (Pause)
This business about being a Christian is not easy. It is a radical shift from what we view as “normal.” (Pause) The first part of our scripture today seems intuitive. Yes, we should be humble so that we do not suffer embarrassment when we are forced to move from a position of honor to a lower position when someone whom the host esteems more highly comes into the room. It is far more gratifying to be elevated before our peers, than to be demoted.
The second part of the reading, however, is not intuitive. “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends.” What kind of a luncheon or dinner is that? (Pause) We always invite our friends… our relatives… or others whom we wish to impress… or whose good favor we seek. These are the ones we enjoy being with… the ones who are most like us… the ones who will probably invite us to eat with them in return. (Pause)
But Jesus says “No.” Invite the poor… the crippled… the lame… and the blind. Now, I will remind you again that “the poor, the crippled, the lame and the blind” in Jesus’ day were those who were viewed as totally worthless by the society in which they lived. They not only had no way to earn a living, but they were considered to be those who had displeased God… had sinned against God… and their poverty… their disability… their condition in life… was considered to be God’s punishment. (Pause) These are the ones whose place in society is so low that to even touch them would make the righteous person unclean. (Pause) Yet, Jesus says that these are the ones we are to invite. (Pause)
These are not the people that you and I are comfortable sitting beside. These are not the people that we talk to easily… that we easily share our lives with… or even completely understand. They are those whose lives are so different from our own that we don’t even know how to begin the conversation. They are those with whom we have no connection… nor, in our own world, do we desire a connection with them. (Pause)
Who are these people… the ones that cannot reciprocate… the ones we see as having little to offer us? (Pause) Who are these people… in our church… in our community… in this country? (Pause) Is it as simple as one of our youth… or one of our elderly? (Pause) Is it as complex as a poor family from Mexico… or a family of Middle Eastern origins… a Muslim… a Pagan? (Pause) There is one thing I do know: the ones that Jesus wants me to invite are different from the ones that he wants you to invite. (Pause) He knows which ones I see as less worthy… and which ones make me uncomfortable. He also knows which ones you see as less worthy… and he knows which ones make you uncomfortable. (Pause) And those are the ones he expects us to invite… into our own home… into our own lives. (Pause)
So, sitting in a different pew made you feel uncomfortable. (Pause) There are a lot of other things that come with being a Christian and being a disciple of Jesus that will make us feel uncomfortable. In fact, I venture to say that the road ahead will be more uncomfortable than comfortable if we truly want to follow in Christ’s footsteps. (Pause)
As we come to the Table today, I challenge you to think about the ways in which you might humble yourself in your daily life… and elevate others. And I also challenge you to think about the person… or people… you will invite to share your meal… or this feast the next time we offer it. Who will it be? May God bless you as you struggle with that decision. Amen.
Luke 14:1, 7-14