Two Shall Become One

If you wonder what a divorced woman who never remarried has to say to you about the institution of marriage that would be valid in your eyes, then I would respond, “Probably nothing at all.”  But if you wonder what the Bible has to say about the gift of marriage that God has bestowed on God’s people that might be of value to Christians living in the world today, then I would respond, “There are a few things that might be of value… things that all of us might study… not just for marriage, but for all of the important relationships in our lives.” It is amazing to me that two of the most important tasks that God lays before us… that is marriage and parenting… are tasks for which we receive no preparation at all, save the example that we witness in the lives of our parents. Unfortunately, for many of us, those examples are less than we would wish for… but fortunately, God has provided some guidance for us in scripture. 

One of the most wonderful pictures of God that our scriptures give to us is the picture of a mighty Creator God who has just taken a blank canvas… an utter void in space… and filled it with light… with stars, planets and universes… and created within it a world filled with all kinds of abundance… plants… animals… and humankind formed from dust itself… to have dominion over it and draw sustenance from it.  That God… this wondrous picture reveals… makes the observation that “it is not good for man to be alone.”  From that observation… from those words in the second chapter of Genesis… come all the relationships that we have in this world… the most important of which is the relationship between those whom God has joined together as one.   In fact, the very first words uttered by a human being in the Bible are about that particular relationship, when the first man said about the first woman: "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh."  And the second chapter of Genesis concludes with the statement: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

            It is clear in any reading of scripture that marriage is a gift from God to the creatures God created.  All three rites of Christian marriage outlined in the Presbyterian Book of Common Worship contain a statement on the gift of marriage that is well worth reading from time to time to remind us of God’s intentions with regard to that sacred act.  It is there that we read that “God… gave us marriage so that husband and wife may help and comfort each other, living faithfully together in plenty and in want… in joy and in sorrow… in sickness and in health… throughout all their days. God gave us marriage for the full expression of the love between a man and a woman. In marriage a woman and a man belong to each other, and with affection and tenderness freely give themselves to each other. God gave us marriage for the well-being of human society, for the ordering of family life, and for the birth and nurture of children.” And finally, the most powerful words of all:  “God gave us marriage as a holy mystery in which a man and a woman are joined together, and become one, just as Christ is one with the church. In marriage, husband and wife are called to a new way of life, created, ordered, and blessed by God. This way of life must not be entered into carelessly, or from selfish motives, but responsibly, and prayerfully.”

            There is no place in scripture… nor in our marriage ceremony… where the responsibility for the health and vitality of the marriage is given to one partner in that relationship and lifted from the other partner.  As one long-time married person said to me, “It is never just one person’s responsibility. It’s never even a 50-50 split between the two. To make a marriage work, it has to be 100% effort from one partner and 100% effort from the other.”   And it does not happen overnight.  Herbert Anderson and Robert Cotton Fite have co-authored a book entitled, Becoming Married.  The title and the theme of that book is that “marriage” does not happen instantaneously with the marriage ceremony or the signing of the license.  The move toward “becoming one” begins even before the marriage ceremony and needs to continue toward “becoming one” for the rest of a couple’s life.  In a similar vein, “divorce” does not happen when the legal documents are signed and filed.  Most couples stop “becoming one” long before the legal process of divorce finalizes the one becoming two.

            The primary thrust of our text today is not marriage, but divorce.  Mark makes it clear that the Pharisees are testing Jesus by asking the question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  They aren’t really asking Jesus to tell them what the law says.  They already know what the law says.  The twenty-fourth chapter of Deuteronomy states that a man can divorce his wife.  Jesus responds to their question with another question, “What did Moses command you?”  What they respond with is what Moses allowed… not what Moses commanded.  Moses never commanded anyone to get a divorce.  But why, if God gave humankind the gift of marriage with the intention that the two shall become one and if, as Jesus makes clear in verse nine, “what God has joined together, let no man separate,” why did Moses give the children of God the possibility of divorce?  Jesus eloquently answers that question when he says that it is “because of your hardness of heart.”

            You see, the issue isn’t divorce or what the scriptures say about divorce, for you can find different answers to that question depending upon whether you are reading in Deuteronomy, Ezra, 1 Corinthians, Matthew or Mark.  The real question is: “What is God’s will concerning marriage?”  The answer to that question is a constant: God’s will is for the two to become one… and… in a perfect world… that is exactly what would happen.  But, as Jesus points out, we are a people inflicted with hardness of heart.  It is our own failing… our own inability to live into God’s vision for us… that led Moses to allow divorce among the children of God.  But Moses allowing divorce does not equate to God willing divorce for his people.  Remember that in Jesus’ time, the heart was considered to be the seat of the intellect… the place where wisdom was found.  “Hardness of heart,” as Jesus spoke of it here, referred to the people’s unwillingness to learn… their closed mindedness… yet another symptom of a self-centered, self-appeasing life.

            God has given us the gift of marriage so that we might live together in relationships that tap into the wonder of all that God created us to be… with each other… and for each other.  We have divorce laws because of our own short-comings… our own failings… our own sinfulness… as human beings.  If we were perfect, we would not need divorce laws… we would not need any laws at all.  But we are far from perfect.   The good news of the gospel is that, despite all of our imperfections… our failings… and our sinfulness, God continues to love us… and seek us… calling us into a renewed relationship with him and with each other.  As we renew our covenant with God today… let us also renew our covenant with each other… and especially with the one that God has given to us… that we might continue “becoming one” as God envisions us to be… one in our marriage relationships… one in the body Christ… here and everywhere that God’s people may be found.  Amen.   

Mark 10:2-16